It is as if there is something "written into our sub-conscious" that dictates to us!!

DON'T LOSE HOPE because there are Tools available to us to help us Change these Unhealthy Patterns in our Lives one step at a time…

I have a 4 Stage Process that I have developed over the years which identifies the cause, reveals information surrounding the issue and creates a structure that helps You to navigate through the issue bringing healing and wholeness!!

Francis Bacon made the enlightened statement that "Knowledge is Power"... and when we have no knowledge we definitely suffer. I have witnessed the freedom that comes to a person when a 'Piece of Knowledge' brings a total 'shift' in someone's life which previously held them back from growing... its an incredibly powerful event... Do something today that "Changes" your current experience into an 'upgraded version'!!!!

Benjamin Franklin said that "An investment in knowledge pays the best interest".

Much Love xxx

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

Are you the Romantic/Trusting/Naive type??? (i use to be.. and still can be if im not deliberate about practising what i preach here)... If you have a predisposition towards Naivity then you generally WONT 'require' someone to PROVE themselves before giving them the priceless commodity of Your Heart.... There's a Lesson in there somewhere :)

Take your time to answer these questions below...

The Disagreement Test - Have you had a disagreement yet? Think of the Disagreement and answer specifically for that particular disagreement... What was the disagreement over? Did you lose their love? Did they behave like a Child or an Adult in the disagreement? Did you feel 'beat up' at the end of it or were you in Good Shape???

The Reliability Test - When have they come thru for you when you really needed something?

The Sacrificial Test - When have they done something for you that has cost them something?

The Loyalty Test - When was the last time that they defended you? What happened? Did you feel like they totally protected you?

The Generosity Test - in this situation having a similar value about Generosity is imperitive... What was their last act of Generosity towards you? Was that more Generous that you would have been in the same situation?

The Equality Test -What areas are you Equal in? What areas are you UnEqual in?

The Time Test - How long have you given them so far to prove themselves to you??? is that Enough Time?

I think it's absolutely essential that you make a mental note of the challenges and the results that your relationships go through... its not just your successes that define your relationships but your failures too...

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

Unsafe People...

1. Avoid Closeness instead of Connecting

2. Are only Concerned about "I" instead of "We"

3. Resist Freedom instead of Encouraging it...

4. Flatter us instead of Confronting us..

5. Condemn us instead of Forgiving us...

6. Stay in Parent/Child roles with us instead of as Equals...

7. Are Unstable over time instead of being Consistent...

8. Are a Negative influence on us instead of a Positive one..

9. Gossip instead of Keeping Secrets..

This is just a beginning of understanding how to build relationships that will 'give you something' for the term of the relationship...

If you have been hurt in a friendship/relationship then look at what you are 'expecting' and what you 'allow' in those relationships... Learn what makes a Safe Relationship and set the Bar a little higher than you have before...

Much Love. :)

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

It was whilst reading Ross Campbell's book "How to Really Love Your Child" that i discovered this fabulous tool... I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me...

There are 15 "rungs" on the Ladder of 'Anger Maturity'... I have found in counselling people over the years that 'validation' is just as important as 'understanding the anger'...

• Pleasant Behaviour
• Seeking Resolution
• Focusing anger on Source only
• Holding to the Primary Complaint
• Thinking Logically and Constructively
• Unpleasant and Loud Behaviour
• Cursing
• Displacing Anger to sources other than the Original
• Expressing unrelated complaints
• Throwing Objects
• Destroying Property
• Verbal Abuse
• Emotionally destructive Behaviour
• Physical Abuse
• Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

Simple Exercise: Locate yourself on the Ladder (it can be in more that one place...) and start to be consciously aware of your 'reactions' when the triggers happen... it is after you become aware of yourself that you can do something to 'change/mature/grow' into a different response...

And Remember....

Enjoy the Journey... validate your every step...

Luv Luv Luv... M.. xxx

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

1. Expressing Regret: "I am sorry"

2. Accepting Responsibility: "I was wrong"

3. Making Restitution: "What can I do to make it right?"

4. Genuinely Repenting: "I'll try not to do that again."

5. Requesting Forgiveness: "Will you please forgive me?"

I have taken these from the Book of the Same Name by Chapman and Thomas... its a great read.. and it will change your life...

We all have an Apology Language... this is the one we do by default without any training or educating of any kind... but as we know, we can train and educate ourselves to be better in our relationships...

Your Apology Language is the one that you NEED so that you can forgive the significant person... think of a situation in your mind where you've been hurt and eliminate the ones that dont matter to you in the list above... then work out which one you must have in order to forgive and move on... this is your Apology Language... there will be a close second... once you discover these you will understand yourself better...

Work out what the Apology Language is of those around you... it will help your significant relationships immensely...

I wish you Blessings in your Connecting xxx

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS of UNSAFE PEOPLE

1. Unsafe people think "they have it all together" instead of admitting their weaknesses.

2. Unsafe people are defensive & not open to feedback.

3. Unsafe people are self righteous instead of humble.

4. Unsafe people apologize but they dont change their behaviour.

5. Unsafe people resist any form of character growth.

6. Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it.

7. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility.

8. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth.

9. Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing.

These traits will help you re-assess the 'Circles' you have placed significant people in... you can change your life just by re-assessing who you place where in your Life....

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Gift Giving
Words of Encouragement, and
Quality Time

An easy to work out what you are is to ask yourself 2 questions...

First... Who is someone that you really love?
Second, if you wanted to show that person (insert their name) that you love them, which one of the 5 above would you use to do it?

For MOST of us we Love others in the manner in which we want to be loved... So the above test works teally well. There is an exception to the rule and if you want to know more email me...

In short.. If your Mum's Love Language is Quality Time and you give her presents all the time but never go and spend any time with her then she is never feeling 'Love' from you...

It's like a French Man speaking in his native tongue to an Italian Man who in turn is speaking in his native tongue... They are both saying something but NONE of it means anything to the other person because they can't understand it!!!!

Good for Thought for all of Your Significant Relationships :)

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

One of these 'conditions' is Insecurity...

I have seen insecurity de-rail lives... it's a beast you have to get hold of by the throat and harness in a bold and ballsy way... otherwise insecurity will take your life F-R-O-M you and shatter it!!!

Today I'm talking about Insecurity within Yourself and about Yourself... we must develop a security in Who We Are before that can overflow into our relationships with others.

Have you ever thought about What is Amazing about You?  think about that for a moment... could you say 3 things right now that are amazing about you? go on, make a note of them in your phone or diary [or wherever it is that you write the things you want to remember...]  dont just keep reading... stop for 30 seconds and think about this question.... jot down your answers....
Are you wondering what that has to do with insecurity?

Have you ever thought about What is Unique about You?  think about that aswell for a moment... could you say 3 things right now that are unique about you? go on, make a note of them in your special place...
dont keep reading if you havent done this simple little exercise because if you are in any way insecure that will never change if you are not willing to take 30 seconds to think and VALUE yourself. There will be no point in continuing to read because the information that awaits you is never going to be put to good use...

I say this because You are the answer to your insecurity...

Insecurity comes from valuing others more than Yourself!
Insecurity comes from evaluating and interpreting Yourself INCORRECTLY!
Insecurity comes from that syndrome that says 'the grass is greener in your girl-friends garden'
Insecurity comes from you believing the wrong things
Insecurity comes because you dont take the time to do the correct Internal Stock-Take
Insecurity comes because you havent Valued what Makes You... You!!!

This is why these little exercises are VITAL to you becoming more SECURE in who You are, in the WONDER of What you were created to Be...

What do you Love about You?
Jot down the answers...

Know I want to ask you to think for a moment about the path your life has taken... where you have been... and where you are headed... now take some time and answer the questions...

What do you Love about Your Life?
Jot down the answers...

What did you love about your life between 0 - 10 years old?

10-20 years old

20-30 years old

30-40 years old

40-50 years old

50-60 years old

I want you to think each decade through until you have some things that you love in each decade... write down as much as you can...

The exercises above should be re-visited regularly... as you get older, your perpective on life changes.. You learn new things and the picture you see when you reflect changes thus giving you a richer experience as you think back on the past...

Be Bold to delve into your past and value the miserable, painful & forgettable times you have had in your life as this will give you an incredible sense of Security not only in Who You Are right now but also in Who You are Becoming...

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

For everything under the sun there is a time....

Our Lives roll by in Seasons... and there is always a time for one Season to end and another to begin.. One of the ways to detect this that i have discovered over the years is by looking at how I am feeling... I have a question that i ask myself to help me determine where i am in my Season... that question is 'Is there Grace to do this right now or has the Grace run out?'...

Let me explain... I find that for every Season there is a Grace... what i mean by this is that there is a supernatural ability, a love, an attitude, a 'way' that makes it absolutely possible to be in that space and do what is required in that space... whether it is a job, a relationship, an age... there is always a Grace to do the seasons that are intended for our lives... What about you? Have you ever looked back on a time in your life and said "i dont know how i got through that?"... that is exactly what i am talking about... you see, at the time you got through that 'thing' you had a grace to do so but at the time when you reflect you cannot see how you did it and that's because in the 'reflecting space' you do not have the grace needed and that is why you cannot possibly see how you got thru that particular 'thing'.... classic example of grace that i think we all notice at one time or another in our lives...

When the 'Grace runs out' things get very difficult. Some of the feelings can be frustration, loss of interest, jealousy of someone else, conflict... we loose our 'mojo', we feel like we're 'flogging a dead horse'... these are the signs that the "horse is dead"... its time to get off it and find the next horse that we need to ride!

At the same time, when a new Season is approaching new 'desires' begin to evolve within me, fresh vision, a new dream, a new plan all starts churning around on the inside of me... I want something different than i currently have... all the 'arrows' start pointing in a different direction... its up to me to INTERPRET this new vision... its up to me to NAVIGATE these 2 sets of opposing feelings.

THIS is called the TRANSITION...

DO NOT over-complicate the transition... most of the time we want a great big "flashing sign" that spells out for us what that next step is and when to take it but the REALITY is that THERE IS NO SIGN...

there's just ... "the desire of your heart"...

and THAT DESIRE is EXACTLY what you need to help you travel through the transition...

Yep... the desire of your heart is POWERFUL... trust that voice on the inside of you... You actually know what you need to do, you just need to step... then step again... then take one more step.... You Can Do It... You can make the right decisions for your life... On the Inside of you is the Wisdom you need for your own life.. YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST...

Whilst all this is going on INSIDE of us I am a firm believer that we need a support network around us that can give us 'safe counsel'.  We need 'safe, wise' people around us that can be honest to be a 'sounding board' for us... these 'safe & wise' people shouldn't have an agenda of their own when giving us counsel/advice/guidance/opinion.... they would be people who only have your best interests in their heart...

Over the years, as I have combined the 'safety of my support network' with the 'Wisdom that I have Trusted that Lives on the Inside of Me' I have always managed to make sound wise decisions that have served me...

I wish the same for You xxx

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".

What are the Possibilities for you?
What are the dreams still on the inside?

Go and buy ur scrap book and start collecting the bits and pieces that Hopes and Dreams are made of....

Martine is available for Personal 1to1 Coaching. Her specialty is in Emotional Management and Regulation and Relationship Skills.. to hire her Services go to "The Counselling Coach".